i liked the buildup to the Onii approaching but i found the chase lacking. there was some tension and excitement there but it could be improved.

i find it a bit weird u refer to onii as a "he" instead of "it".

the chapter is not as great as the previous ones. it started off great but i think it lost steam at the end.

Editing done

I hope it turns out better now.

DM good story:D

maybe the HG shoud be tossed into the onii's mouth ?

i think that would hit him real hard!!

W8ing for the next episode:D:D


grz shadow

7d) Long Way Up

“Reza and Burt were here. I am sure of it.” Mike said firmly.
Sophie turned to face him. “How do you – ”
“That.” Mike interrupted, pointing at the lift door.

Sophie examined the door for awhile, and she saw there was an arrow on it pointing upwards. She felt it with her fingers; it was scratched into the door, probably with a knife or something sharp.

Sophie smiled. It was definitely recently made, as none of them had noticed the arrow when they passed by earlier.

This meant that most likely Reza and Burt had already climbed up the lift shaft, and left the marking there for them to see.

Jack peeped through and stared up, expecting to see the figures of Burt and Reza scaling the ladder, but he could see nothing but darkness high up. There were absolutely no signs of Burt or Reza; they must have climbed high up and out of their sight now.

“REZA!!!” Jack yelled loudly. “BURT!!!”
“Jack!” Sophie nudged him angrily. “Stop! Be quiet!”
“What?” Jack asked as he spun around to face her, confused.
“The Kharaa are around this entire area! Shouting at the top of your voice is a very, very bad idea!” Mike told him.
“Dude. Finding Reza and Burt is more important now.” Jack retorted in defiance.
Mike shook his head. “And our lives isn’t?”
“Alright. At least, we should let them know we are still alive.” Jack defended himself.

He stuck his head out to take another look; only to see the white of a mouthful of serrated teeth.

Jack yelped and jumped back, as the jaws snapped shut where his head was a second ago.

“Skulk!” Mike warned.

The Skulk popped its ugly head through to look at them, and Sophie fired once with her Shotgun, exploding its head into bloody pulps of flesh and bone. The headless body stayed on the wall for awhile, and then dropped down into the darkness of the pit below. They waited till there was a loud smack before they were satisfied.

“A skirmisher Skulk. Bastard was going to parasite us.” Sophie said.
“I don’t get it…I mean, I didn’t hear it at all.” Jack said, his teeth still shaking from his brush with death.
“Silence. It probably had silenced movements, which was why none of us could hear it.” Mike explained.

This was getting bad. They must have been lingering here for too long. Skirmisher Skulks were supposed to check the aftermath of a battle to see if there were any survivors. Once more, these Skulks displayed another fearsome ability : Silence.

A silenced Skulk makes absolutely no noise at all. Regardless of how it jumps, leaps, bites or growls, not even the slightest sound can be heard at all. Even when running with its clawed limps hitting a metal floor, any trace of the slightest bit of sound is masked. This terrifyingly silent Skulk can sneak up on a marine with ease, without his knowledge. Perhaps, the only indication by noise is only apparent when the Skulk chomps down on its prey, and the sound heard is usually that of bone and armour being crunched upon; by then it would be too late.

Like most other abilities of the Kharaa, Silence is a complete mystery to TSA scientist. They can only guess that like Cloak, this ability could be the work of Bacterium targeting the senses of a marine, making him oblivious to the Kharaa’s presence. However, Silence only affects and confuses a marine by preventing him only from hearing xenoforms, and yet his ears still perform normally, and everything else sounds normal.

However, the moment a Skulk dies; it loses all of its abilities. This is why scientists were unable to discover the secrets of the Kharaa, even as they dissected so many dead xenoforms. Death seals off the secrets of the Bacterium and its intricating abilities.

The three of them could only hope now that Reza and Burt had successfully made it past any other Kharaa that might have been in the way.

Jack made a last check with his flashlight to confirm there weren’t any more ambushing Skulks before he took off and jumped onto the ladder.

He glanced upwards again, and waved his flashlight furiously, hoping to see a reply-signal from within the darkness above him. Hopefully, Reza or Burt might see his light, and they could give some sort of sign to prove they were above.

“Hurry up Jack!” Sophie urged him. “What you are doing might attract more of them!”

Letting out a sigh of annoyance, Jack continued climbing up. Sophie leapt off the ledge gracefully and caught the ladder and climbed up immediately. Next to jump on was Mike. He was the one at the bottom due to the fact he was the strongest of them, if anyone was to fall, he might at least, have a mild chance of catching the person.

They were back, at last, back to the dreaded ladder. To climb up to the thirty-third level was definitely no easy feat, Jack thought in frustration as he continued up to the fifth level.

With every clammy hand he placed on the next higher up bar, an annoying creak would sound and Sophie would often look up in alarm, for she remembered her close encounter with death the last time when the ladder broke.

Surprising, this ladder wasn't so tough. To Jack, it was like climbing his old tree house, only this one was many times higher. After five minutes of relentless non-stop climbing, Jack stopped at last.

Sophie looked up weakly, “What?”
Jack paused to take his breath. “Do you know how long we been climbing?”
“Five minutes? Ten minutes? Maybe fifteen.” Sophie replied.
“So, which level are we at?” Jack asked.
“Are you blind? We are only at the eighth level!” Mike said loudly.
“Eight?!” Sophie and Jack cried out in unison.

Jack almost couldn’t believe his ears when he heard Mike said ‘eighth’. So much for an extra-high tree house, this ladder up was seriously endless. Nonetheless, they must move on quickly without pause. If the Kharaa realized their skirmisher Skulk was dead, they might send more Skulks to check out the area.

“Come on, Jack! You can do it!” Jack cheered himself under his breath as he reached out to grab the next bar, kick himself up, and continued on.

However, the group soon found their stamina fading and their energy drained from them. After another climb of ten minutes, of which there were many pauses in between, it was Sophie’s turn to stop.

“Where…are…we…now?” Sophie questioned, taking several pauses in between.

Mike said nothing, but looked downwards at the pit.

“Well?” Jack probed.
Mike frowned tiredly. “Twelve or thirteen I guess. There now! Let’s go on!”

Letting out a grunt of tiredness, Sophie breathed deeply as she struggled to climb up. Fatigue was taking her, as well as Mike and Jack.

“Jack, what does it look like up there from your view?” Sophie asked, her voice cracked and hoarse.

Jack coughed loudly, as he suddenly choked on his own saliva.

“Darkness, far up ahead, I see nothing but darkness. Hear nothing but darkness. Feel nothing but darkness.” Jack answered as he kicked himself up again.
“But glad at least there isn’t any Skulks.” Mike said.

The group climbed on and on, the ladders of which seemed boundless, menacingly high and cold and hard. There was nothing else, nothing other than narrow catwalks, lift doors, emergency control panels, and darkness. There was nothing else. No matter how hard Jack looked, he simply saw that the ladders continued to lead upwards into the eerie darkness. No end was visible.

Their climbing efficiency rate was fast fading, as the group was extremely exhausted, having been chased by Onii and without any break, they over-estimated themselves and climbed this ladder immediately. They now regretted their decision at not finding another easier way to the thirty-third level.

Even after twenty minutes, no one talked, for they all wanted to conserve their energy. Mike had even lost count of their current progress.

Several times a row, Jack found his vision fading and he almost blacked out, which would have certainly been fatal. With every blink, Jack found it harder and harder to open his eyes again. Sweat stained his eyes, his mind was a blank, the only thing to do was to reach out higher and higher. Yet……he must not give up, he must continue on and on……

It was a torment for the climbing group, no rest, nothing to see; no sign that Reza or Burt was even alive and climbing above them. Grinding their teeth, they struggled against their desires to give up as they just kept climbing up. The stench of their sweaty bodies was stifling. Every muscle in their body ached ceaselessly in protest of no rest.

On and on they went, and everyone soon gasped with thirst, eyes tired with the over-whelming desire to give up. They knew the mission was far from over, there was little guarantee of finding anymore water supply, so they had to conserve their last bit of water in the bottles.

Many times in a row, the three found themselves stopping and reaching out for their MREs, but willed themselves to stop and continue on first. No matter what, they must endure! They must continue! They must not give up!

Jack reached out a clammy hand to grab the next higher bar but he stopped, and his hand drooped and fell by his side. Now hanging with only a single hand at the bar, Jack slowly closed his eyes………he was too tired to continue, too drained of his strength………Jack’s grip on the bar continued to weaken.

Anytime now, he would drop, and all would be over. He would be able to sleep at last if he closed his eyes.

"That's my favourite cookie!"
"Kids! Stop bickering! Everybody gets one!"
"Mom! Jack took two!"
"You lost to me in sissors, paper and stone!"
"Not fair! Not fair!"

There was laughter and noise everywhere. Little children played on the playground, as Jack and his brother chased each other, their parents watching in amusement.

Birds chirped in the air as squrriels played on the trees. The trees were strong and green, and the soil wet and fertile. All was happy and warm. These were the good days when Jack had no worries, no sorrow, no troubles.

A vision of Earth and his family playing on the park drifted through Jack’s mind and his eyes suddenly bolted open. Regaining his senses once more, Jack gripped the bar tightly with both hands.

A newfound power burned in his eyes. He will not give up now. Not when he still have the last bit of strength to protect all that is dear to him. Not when he still have the power to let someone else experience the same joy he once had.

Even Mike was grim and silent, he found his strength fast fading from him. His eyes grew heavy. Licking his lips, Mike opened his mouth only to hear an unfamiliar croak. Was this his voice? How could it sound so cracked? Was he really that tired?

Jack stopped again. “Guys…stop…”
“What?” Sophie murmured.
“Take…break…” Jack croaked.

Sophie looked down at Mike, who nodded in approval. They were definitely too tired to continue.

Jack hooked his arms and legs from the ladder and hanged from the position. Sophie rested her bottom on one of the catwalks, while Mike climbed upwards and sat beside her. Sweat dripped down their body and drenched the catwalk.

They knew that willpower alone would not last them much longer.

Jack drank a gulp of water and cleared his throat before speaking loudly in a clear voice, “Okay guys. Take a break, we rest for five minutes, then we continue on. Try not to sleep.”

Everyone had their bottles out and drank the water in small sips. For their MREs, they were too hungry to wait and simply shove the whole biscuit into their mouth. MRE biscuits were not the best tasting of food, but in times like these, it easily tasted like the best French Cuisine.

Mike felt like lying down, but abruptly remembered he had a job to do; he stood on guard with his HMG pointing there. It had already been quite a while, he had little doubt the Kharaa are long-aware of their dead skirmisher.

At last, Jack gave the alarm call that they had to move on. It was amazing that no one had fallen asleep. It was equally amazing how hard it was to continue on. Everyone fell like staying there and resting, for as long as possible, as long as eternity.

Deciding to be the first to move, Jack kept his bottle and climbed on. He reached out weakly to hold the next catwalk for support. His hand swept across the catwalk…and he felt something plastic. Immediately, Jack kicked himself higher up to take a better look. There it was, an empty pack of MRE, left there by someone else.

WOW this is really nice, I've never really bothered to scroll down and look in the Fan-Fic part of the forum... I'm not much of the reading type, ive maybe read 20 books, most of them for reports and crap. I really have to say I've been reading from the start trying to get to where it is now... i love the details in all your writing, i read it whenever i get bored at school, like right now i was just reading Chapter 2, after finishing my last final exam on the last day of school!

maybe when you finish it you can get it published, man that would be awsome, i would be sure to buy it, and introduce it to any i know who i think would be intrested... but anyways its been really good so far and i have a long wayz to go, so keep it up man!

7e) The Thirty-third Level

Jack picked up the empty MRE pack and examined it carefully. It was wet with sweat and littered with small biscuit crumbs. Obviously, someone had just eaten the MRE biscuit and left the empty pack there.

How long had they climbed this ladder? How long had they fought against their desires to stop? Finally, there was some hint that Burt and Reza may very well be alive.

“Guys!” He muttered, a tone of thrill and excitement in his voice.

Jack smiled at last, something he had not done for a very long time. It would take more than a overgrown Onos to kill off the two of 'em.

Sophie and Mike looked up at Jack with their pale faces and dazed expression, yet he could see from a faint gleam in their eyes; anticipation of his announcement that Reza and Burt were alive and well.

“They are alright! I repeat! Burt and Reza are alright!” Jack cried, hardly able to contain his excitement.

Mike gave a choked cheer as he waved a knuckle in the air.

Jack immediately turned back and climbed up.

With a strength and determination which surprised even themselves, the group now climbed up the ladder rapidly like never before. There was no proof of it, but Mike’s gut instincts told him that they were nearing the end of the climb, and meeting up with Burt and Reza.

“Come on guys! Hurry up!” Jack roused Sophie and Mike once more, for the dash of hope from the evidence of Reza's and Burt's well-being pushed him beyond a new limit.

They were not alone after all. Jack knew Commander Reza to be a wise and understanding Commander. He would be the one man to lead them to victory, to help them save Earth. Jack however, didn't know Burt that well. He had only seen Burt for a while, and besides being generally quiet and always sticking close with Reza, Jack knew nothing else about the stern-face marine. After all, they had almost never chatted before together.

Sophie’s chest heaved up and down, as she breathed heavily and took a short pause to regain her strength. She couldn’t believe it, Reza was still alive! Smiling, she raised her hand to grab the next bar. Her fingers were strengthless, tired, and sore beyond words. She suddenly found her eyes closing and herself losing conscious.

No! Slapping herself, Sophie regained herself once again. She couldn't give up now, she couldn't falter, not when they were so close to the top. She must go on!

Mike now saw Jack under a new light. Jack was once dependant on him, and could not do anything right without others help. It was different now; his best friend was starting to show slight qualities of a well-trained marine. Jack was now the one leading the group, the one raising their morale and spirits. Even he and Sophie were straining to keep up with Jack’s rate of climbing.

“Mike. How long have we been climbing?” Sophie asked suddenly.
“Beats me. I mean, if you’ re worried about the bombs, I am sure we are still in time.” Mike assured her.

He had lost track of time entirely, and deeply hoped that they weren't too late to stop the purified hydrogen bombs from being fired at Earth. If they had taken too much time, Reza and Burt could still move on ahead to stop the bombs on their own, afterall–

“Heads up! Xenoform!” Jack yelled suddenly and fired.

A Skulk in front of him was ripped to shreds as powerful HMG bullets pierced through its body and it dropped from the wall, blood splattering out of a dozen holes.

The three of them dodged to the side as its body sailed past and hurled downwards into the pit.

Mike and Sophie instantly hanged from the ceiling with just their legs as they aimed their guns about.

Two Skulks approached stealthily from the bottom, their movements eerily silent and quick.

Even in the darkness, Mike spotted them and sprayed their bodies with his HMG bullets. They shrieked in pain and lost their grip on the wall, before falling helplessly.

“Around us!” Sophie warned.

Without any warning, multiple Skulks crawled towards them rapidly like giant geckos, their teeth and amber eyes glinting from the gunfire.

Sophie and Jack dispatched the Skulks with their guns easily, and Mike flashed his light at the area below him. What he saw was enough to enough to make his heart skip a beat, and send him shouting out in panic.

At least twenty Skulks swarmed towards him from the bottom, their jaws opened wet with saliva, and eyes burning with hunger. They were more than thirty metres away, but were climbing up with a terrifying speed.

Sophie turned to shoot, but she gasped and stopped. The Skulks scrambled below Mike, and his body prevented her from getting a clear shot with her Shotgun.

“Up! Up! Up!” Mike shouted furiously, and the three of them scrambled upwards at the top of their speed.

The Skulks made no noise, but Mike knew they were right below him. He climbed several steps and fired down, knocking off several Skulks from the wall, and continued to climb.

“Faster! They are right below me!” Mike yelled in panic, as he stopped to shoot several more that were getting too close. They died and dropped, but more of these hellish cockroach-like monsters crawled upwards and snapped at his feet.

Jack got on top of a catwalk and fired down on the Skulks as well, but they continued to approach relentlessly.

Mike gave a Skulk a kick in the face when it was about to take a bite out of his feet. It cried out in pain and dropped downwards. The other Skulks cared not for the doomed Skulk, and were only concerned about their prey.

“Goddammit!” Mike roared as his HMG gave an empty click. He slammed his metal boot on the jaw of another Skulk and climbed on ahead.

The Skulks dropped like flies under the sustained fire of Jack and Sophie, their bodies falling into the darkness and disappearing. Yet, even their combined firepower was not enough to kill off all the Skulks before their clip ran out.

A Skulk got within an arm's reach of Mike and leapt at him, claws ready to shred into his flesh.

Mike whipped out his pistol and blasted it between the eyes before evading its attack. The dying creature rammed into the wall and plunged downwards. Another Skulk approached him from below, and he fired the remaining of his pistol clip onto its chest.

Weakened but not dead, the xenoform sprung up and closed its jaws around Mike's boots.

Mike gave a cry of fury before he slit its throat with his knife and let its limp body plummet down.

He swept the area below him with his flashlight a final time to confirm there weren’t any more Skulks before the three of them climbed on.

They continued on quickly for several more minutes, repeatedly looking downwards for approaching Skulks before climbing on. All of a sudden, Jack stopped at the next level.

“There is light!” he cried out, excited.

Somewhere above them, there was a glimmer of brightness.

Jack crazily scaled the ladder to reach the light. He had no proof; but he was very sure that was the thirty-third level, where Reza and Burt would be waiting.

The source of the light was within his sight at last and Jack smiled weakly. The lift door to the thirty-third level was open! Light streamed through the door, so dazing bright it hurt his eyes just to look at it. Raising another hand, Jack let out a grunt as he tried to hold the catwalk.

Suddenly, the light was dimmed and Jack looked up in surprise. The silhouette of a man blocked the door.

“Who?” Jack couldn't see the face of the man above him.

A helping hand reached out to Jack, and he raised his sweaty palm and held the hand gladly. He was pulled up by the strong arm and at last, he finally could see Reza’s face. He gave a choked laughter as Reza slinged his arm over his shoulder and carried him to the side.

“You guys are late.” Reza remarked, grinning. “Welcome to the thirty-third level.”

Jack went down on his knees as his sweat dripped over the floor. Jack turned to look; Sophie was now being pulled up by Burt. Letting out a final smile, Jack collapsed and laid there like a dead thing.

End of The Behemoth : Source Part One

for chapter 7d.
a good chapter overall. The way you conveyed their exhaustion was great and I could really sympathise with Jack and company(mainly because my legs are also aching). There is slight humour thrown in. I kinda grinned when Jack and Sophie asked what floor they were on and Burt said "eight". The only major flaw I can find is how you explained silence. It does not seem part of the story and seems to be detaced from eveythign else, therefore, not fittign into the story.

for chapter 7e.
about just as good as chapter 7d. The combat sequence was new and unique. Nto many have done fighting on ladders here. However, I do not think that twenty skulks is a feasible number to be chasign them. they would have died by rights I think.

one more point and i have said it before.

JACK IS SO NEWB!!!!!

good 1 i think jack is becoming better:) less noob i mean he has killed a skulk:O



i want to read m000000000000reeeee



grz shadow

I've seen an HMGer, SG'er, and LMG'er take on ~ 12 skulks no prob

12 HMG bullets per skulk = ~ 10 dead skulks
1 SG blast a skulk = 8 dead skulks
10 LMG bulelts a skulk = 5 more

that's 22 dead there

that is, if you don't miss

add in their pistols + knives

and they weren't that fast as they had silence

Btw, forgot to mention before, but this is exactly the end of part one of The Behemoth : Source.

I will be continuing the story of course, but not so soon.

Meanwhile, look to my second fanfic, Alien VS Kharaa.

ah 2 bad just when im getting addict 2 it:P

AUGH! noooes

Just when it was getting good.

Nice writing

I have already made "drafts" for the rest of my chapters till the end.

If all goes well, then there should be at least 7 more full chapters, which amounts to 14 chapters for the whole of Behemoth.

And now...the tough part......to start writing the 8th chapter....

Look forward to it guys! I promise plenty of twists and surprises beyond your wildest imaginations! (At least for those who haven't yet read the full un-edited version)

If its anything like how the 1st chapters were written then it will be good

Haha...the forums are back.

Sadly...I lost every single chapter I wrote when my computer died to a virus and was re-formatted T_T

Never mind that. It's been like 2 years since I last posted a chapter? Sorry guys, gotta take quite a while before the next one comes out...my apologies...

Threadromancy!!!

But seriously, looking forward to the new chapters.

ME WANT MOOOOOOOORREEEEE!!! If you ever get bored of your current job, consider asking the dev team for a job as story writer. you'd definatly be accepted!

As i said "ME WANT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Would you mind horribly if I re-wrote it?